am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
