just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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