you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want her autograph on my taint
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
