Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
