I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
