I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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