help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
