Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you had me at cake vodka
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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