I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
