I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
