He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
