I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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