I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
