If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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