You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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