So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
