god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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