I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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