I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
