He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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