apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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