did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
