I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No subtext here. People are naked.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
