Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
