a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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