So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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