Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
