So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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