I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
