She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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