Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
