that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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