1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
