Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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