final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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