her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
