I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
