Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
