Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
