how can u be prego again
I bet he comes in French.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
