Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
