Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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