just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
