dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
