guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So squirting runs in the family.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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