no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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