So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
