he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
