I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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