Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
