OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
