As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
