So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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