As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
