For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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