My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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