Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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