I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
